The Uglies posing after the show. (Photo: Junior Kyra Hutchison)
The annual Ugly Pageant was held this past Saturday, February 28 in Michels Commons, and it was a resounding success. I should know, since I’m one of the Uglies who participated!
But what is Ugly Pageant? For those who don’t know: it’s a talent show-styled event where the Uglies for each group in Greek life participate to see “who’s the ugliest." There are three rounds: fashion, interviews and talent. Some of the talents this year included tap dancing, portrait drawing and singing the classic “My Way” by Frank Sinatra.
For people who are wondering what an Ugly even is: it's a representative from a fraternity, or a men's social group, that “joins” a sorority, or a women’s social group, their senior year. If you’ve ever seen a crowd of Greek life members circled around Main Hall in late April, wrapping flags around individuals standing in the center, chances are you’ve witnessed “Queen/Ugly Picking” before.
As the ugly for Delta Phi Epsilon (DPHIE), I wanted to make sure I was heading into the pageant as prepared for it as possible, and I had an entire plan for all three rounds with a theme to tie them together (it was cooking… and I’ll leave it at that). Unfortunately, I was informed several days beforehand that the school’s event coordinators had misunderstood what I was doing and denied the request for my talent. Because of this, I had only several days to come up with a completely new act!
My first instinct was to stick with the cooking theme. For reference, I am a bad cook, and I wanted to be as funny and entertaining as I could be for the Delta Phi Epsilon members that came to support me. But I decided to keep trying, so I looked back to past talents. One act that had been done before was preparing cereal while blindfolded. It was perfect! I planned to do that until the night before the pageant, when I found out someone else was already planning to do the same thing. I was back at square one, with less than twenty four hours before the event.
I spent the next day brainstorming. Me and several others came up with a list of ideas, which included talents like juggling or playing "Piano Man" on the harmonica, and while these ideas were great, I was worried I wouldn’t have enough time to practice before stepping up on stage. So yet again, I found myself having to look to what past Uglies did, and found inspiration in Ralph Hombsch’s (the previous ugly for Theta Phi Alpha) talent – a dramatic reading of a “poem written by hand" (which, in reality, was an over-played song at Greek life events).
It was around 3 o’clock that Saturday when I realized I’d be performing a reading of “Baby” by Justin Bieber in front of my peers, and as the night went on I continued to reconstruct my theme, right up until doors opened for the event. I replaced the chef costume I was gonna wear with a Bieber-inspired fit, consisting of a sweatshirt and sweatpants, gold chain, sideways baseball cap and combed down hair.
That afternoon, the Uglies got together, spending quality time getting to know each other over pizza and beverages, learning what our talents would be and bonding over our shared fear over the spontaneity of the interview questions. Soon after, we marched to Michels Commons, where we did a quick run-through. This is when I realized I needed an outfit to match my talent. I rushed over to Burke to grab my garments, slipping back inside to our “Green Room” while the audience filled their seats.
Then, the Ugly Pageant commenced. And it was great! Everyone’s spirits were high, the audience and Uglies alike. The Thetas running and emceeing it were at the top of their game, and everyone’s groups showed up in force to support their Uglies (especially Delta Phi Epsilon, who came equipped with printed out baby, kid, and current photos of me – thank you guys! You sure know how to make an Ugly feel special!). I remember watching from the back as the Uglies went up and did their thing, smiling through it all; even though we were all participants, we agreed that a big part of the fun was watching everyone else.
Every time I stepped up on stage, it was a blur. I remember getting asked the perfect questions for me – “what’s a good show or movie you’ve been watching recently?” and “what’s something you’re most proud of?”
I was equipped with the perfect answers – “The Summer I Turned Pretty” and “Being Deeph Ugly” (the latter of which earned me cheers that helped me figure out where my group was sitting, and alerted me of the numerous baby photos they were holding). Next was the fashion round, where I chose to dress old-fashioned and put-together instead of humorous (both are good options, it just happened that many of the other Uglies chose the latter). Lastly came the talent portion.
It’s a good thing to hit a flow state while onstage. I remember the laughs. I pulled up the lyrics in real time, and for the first time, as I walked up. I remember scrolling down and seeing “verse 3” and realizing it had been going for far too long. It’s a good thing these are the mainstays of what I remember. I knew, similar to Ralph’s performance, that the humor would come from the irony – not only did I pass it off as completely my own, but I also read it dramatically instead of singing it. From watching the video, let me tell you – that song does not translate well without music behind it! Luckily the audience seemed to still enjoy it, which was all I was going for at the end of the day.
At the end of the show, the judges announced the placements: third place went to Braeden Burgher, Ugly for Hammers, whose talent was ballet dancing (in a ballerina outfit no less). Kyle Wallisch, Ugly for Kappa Beta Gamma, earned both second place and the People’s Princess (voted on by the audience) and his talent was tap dancing (in a tutu as well – there was a strong cross dressing theme this year). First place went to Joshton Szczepanski, Ugly for Theta Phi Alpha, for his resounding rendition of Sinatra's “My Way." Everyone gave it their all, and I couldn’t see the placements going any other way; all three were great! So was everyone else who participated. It was a night of fun and laughs, and everyone had a great time.